I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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