I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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