Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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