The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
