we have officially lost it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
