Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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