Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
