why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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