were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
