haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
