Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My ass is underappreciated
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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