I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
