I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
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Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
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and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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