I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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