Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
