So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
