note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
