my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
