i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
