dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
