Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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