Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
