I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
