your thong is hanging out like whoa
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
