This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
How's work?
Spinning.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
