then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
