Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
