Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
