Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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