he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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