since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
