Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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