It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Panties = found
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