Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
