I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
