Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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