do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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