dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
