I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
