like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
