Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
