If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Are we still banned from the library?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
