Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Randomize
