do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
