what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
