I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
whose parrot is this?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
