Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
