the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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