I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He? As in you personified your dick?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
