My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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