Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
