im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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