Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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