I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
