At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
