I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
