i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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