in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We left an ass print on the piano.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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