shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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