he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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