Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
