Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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