i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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