Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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