I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
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She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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