it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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