Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
