I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
