Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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